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How often are couples having sex?

3/23/2021

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Ever wonder how often other couples are “doing it?”  Turns out, there have been a number of studies to look into that very question (I guess researchers are curious, too!).  Based on the results of these studies, it looks like relationship status, age, financial status and maybe even access to digital distractions play a role.  Here’s what the results say:
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According to a 2017 study in The Archives of Sexual Behavior, the average couple has sex about once a week, or some 54 times a year according to one study.  As expected, age plays a role with 20 year-olds having sex around 80 times per year with 60 year-olds having sex about 20 times per year.  Another study from the Kinsey Research Institute in Indiana shows a similar trend in age, but with increased frequency across the board:  approximately 112 times per year for those under thirty and about 52 times per year for those over 50.  Either way, it looks like younger people tend to have more sex.

 Overall, the frequency of intercourse sharply declined between 2001 and 2012 after increasing between 1991 and 2001.  In fact, one British study shows that about half of people in serious relationships haven’t had sex in a year.  The biggest decline in sexual frequency seems to have occurred in married couples.  In the 90s, married couples had intercourse more frequently than never married individuals, but now never-married individuals have sex more often.  Overall, the frequency change of intercourse is much less pronounced for singles.  Some factors that may be responsible for this decline are financial stress, increased spread of work into the home, difficulty for younger individuals moving relationships from virtual to real life, social media distractions and increased access to/quality of online pornography with reduced need to find real life partners.  In fact, the development of the smartphone coincides rather closely with the decline in sexual frequency.

So, how often should you have sex?  While there’s no right or wrong answer for the best frequency of sex in relationships, a study in Social Psychological and Personality Science suggests that couples are happiest that have sex at least once per week.  Although there wasn’t an increase in relationship satisfaction with increased sexual frequency beyond once weekly, there was dissatisfaction for those having sex less frequently than once a week.  There are also some health benefits from sex that should be considered as well:  in addition to bolstering the immune system, sex can lower blood pressure and heart attack risk.  Also, sex can improve sleep, reduce chronic pain and reduce stress.  There are also gender-specific benefits:  for women, sex and orgasm can improve pelvic floor function/decrease bladder leakage, and for men who ejaculate 21 or more times per month, prostate cancer risk is reduced.

The bottom line is that sex should be fun (if done safely and with consent).  It can improve relationship quality and even provide some health benefits.  While work, kids, finances and phones can reduce desire for sex, it may pay off to try to have intercourse anyway.  Increased sexual frequency tends to increase libido, which in turn increases frequency and more desire for frequency.  Even scheduled intercourse counts and can lead to more spontaneous adventures.  If you’re interested in more sex, be sure to talk to your partner as over half of women and men in committed relationships want more sex.  After all, it’s springtime-don’t neglect the “birds and the bees.”

Dr. Nick
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How Exercise Can Affect Your Libido

1/7/2020

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Every year, over 90% of people make New Year’s resolutions, but typically, less than 10% of them achieve their goals.  Some of the most common resolutions often involve improving diet and exercising more.  While everyone knows that these lifestyle changes improve health, what they may not know is that exercise can also boost the quality of their sex life.

For women, a short, vigorous workout in the gym (as little as 20 minutes), can lead to a vigorous workout in the bedroom, too.  The hormonal boost from intense exercise can increase arousal by over 150%!  Not only are women more aroused after exercise, but they also experience increased genital bloodflow, which, in turn, can improve the quality of the intercourse that they have.  Just don’t wait too long to “workout” with your partner as these boosts are generally short-lived.

For men, exercise can increase testosterone by up to 15%.  Weightlifting is particularly beneficial for increasing testosterone production, especially with heavier weights.  In addition to improved sexual drive associated with testosterone production, testosterone can increase muscle mass and decrease adipose (fat) tissue.  When fat loss is from the abdomen, penile bloodflow increases as can erection length (less covered by adipose).  Men shouldn’t fully neglect cardio, though, as atherosclerosis and hypertension can result in erectile dysfunction if not prevented.

For both men and women, improved self-image from weight loss and increased muscle tone often results in desire to share their new, sexy look with their partner (how about lights on in 2020?).  By being more comfortable with oneself, stress from being intimate is often lessened, thus allowing for more enjoyment of (and desire for) sex.  Lastly, as fitness increases, insulin resistance decreases, and the suppression of sex hormones by high insulin levels also ends.  With normal sexual hormone function, arousal and excitement happen more readily, and now that strength and stamina are increased from regular exercise, a person often has more energy to act on those urges.

So, here’s to a healthier 2020.  Keep making those resolutions for a fitter you, but when your exercise routine gets a little stale or your life gets busy, a healthy heart or lower cholesterol isn’t your only reason to stay active.  Remember that getting sweaty in the gym can lead to getting sweaty with your significant other, too!
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Dr. Nick
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Sex After Baby

5/8/2018

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So, you grew a baby for nine months and then either had a vaginal delivery or c- section.  Its been about 6 weeks and between being sleep deprived and noticing lots of changes in your body, you have questions about being intimate with your partner again.  Below are frequently asked questions that I get about intercourse after having a baby.  Hope this helps!

Do I really have to wait a full six weeks to have sex?  Usually, this is a partner question :)  I think this depends on what kind of delivery you had.  If you had a vaginal delivery and had stitches placed, I would wait until your six-week visit and make sure that your sutures have dissolved before resuming intercourse.  Now if you were one of those lucky ones that had a vaginal delivery and had no tears, you can technically resume intercourse sooner.  However, resuming intercourse too soon does increase the risk of an intrauterine infection.  Recovery from a c/s is hard and the risk of infection is even higher, so after a c/s I would probably encourage you to wait the full six weeks.

Why is my vagina so dry after having a baby? So, having a baby does not cause vaginal dryness.  Breastfeeding causes dryness.  When you are breastfeeding, your body releases a hormone called prolactin and this shuts down hormones likes estrogen and progesterone from being produced.  Your body is essentially behaving as though you are going through menopause.  A lot of breast feeding mothers actually experience hot flashes!  This lack of estrogen causes the walls of the vagina to become thin and dry. Trust me- this will get better.  By six months, even most lactating mothers start to ovulate and produce hormones.  So, what can I do about this?  I tell all my breast-feeding mothers to use lots of lubricant until they get comfortable with some of those physiologic changes.  For some women, even lubricant does not help with the dryness.  In these circumstances I would talk to your ob/gyn and see if you may need some vaginal estrogen to help with the dryness.

My vagina feels different.   For most women the anatomy will return to normal after some initial healing and with time.  However, for some women they experience some extensive pelvic floor damage during delivery and these changes can affect their ability to be intimate.  The initial focus should be on pelvic floor muscle exercises, adequate lubrication and maybe even some physical therapy.  I would talk to your provider and see what they recommend.

My libido is gone.  I’m so busy with the baby that I don’t even want to think about sex.  This is a very common feeling that many new moms go through.  Being sleep deprived and stressed about being a new parent can definitely be a libido killer.  For many women their bodies feel different- weight gain/stretch marks- the list goes on and on and these can be added stressors.  For better or worse, your body will change.  There are several things that you can do that will help you get through this initial period.  First, talk to your partner and make sure they understand what you are going through.  Second, try carving out some time daily for you- meditation, reading, fitness.  You need to take care of you.  Finally make sure you and your partner have some time together without the baby.  Don’t let your new job as a parent completely overshadow your relationship with your partner- get a babysitter/ family member and have a date night.  Make sure to schedule time for just the two of you!

Dr. Pam
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Steam: not just for taking the wrinkles out of shirts or is it?  A quick word on how douching affects health and why your favorite movie stars may be wrong

3/7/2017

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Douching, or washing out the inside of the vagina, is a common practice in the U.S. with as many as one in four women between the ages of 15 and 44 engaging in this practice.  Different methods range from solutions of water, vinegar and other chemicals sprayed into the vagina in order to “clean” it.  Some women even use steam!  Still, whether suggested by family, friends or even movie stars, there are no proven health benefits to douching; however, there are a number of potential health risks.

First of all, douching can affect the normal bacteria and pH in the vagina.  Generally, the bacteria is an acidic environment, but douching may encourage a less acidic bacterial population predisposing to bacterial vaginosis (BV) and yeast.  In fact, women who douche may be up to 5 times more likely to develop BV than women who don’t douche.  This can result in vaginal discharge with odor and increased irritation.

Another popular misconception is that douching can prevent sexually transmitted infections (STIs).  Unfortunately, this couldn’t be more wrong.  The fluid pushes bacteria from the vagina into the uterus and fallopian tubes, and in fact, is associated with an INCREASED risk of STIs, including HIV, and also development of pelvic inflammatory disease.

Even pregnancy can be affected by douching, even though pregnancy can’t be prevented by it.  Women who douche are at increased risk for development of ectopic pregnancy, a pregnancy outside the uterus that often occurs in the fallopian tube.  This type of pregnancy can’t be carried long enough to deliver a healthy baby and may be life-threatening for women who have ectopic pregnancies.  One last negative effect of douching on pregnancy is the increase in risk of preterm (early) pregnancy delivery.

So, is there ever a good indication for douching?  Not that we’re aware of.  Fortunately, the vagina is a rather self-sufficient organ.  Mucous is produced internally to clean away blood and semen, and the normal bacteria can help provide an acidic environment that helps prevent not only STIs but also colonization by bacterial vaginosis and yeast.

If you do develop vaginal discharge with odor, green/yellow/pus-like appearance, fever, vaginal lesions, pelvic pain or pain with urination, be sure to seek evaluation with a doctor.  You may have an infection that requires treatment.  Without medication the infection may be spread to a partner or even affect your ability to have children.  The good news is that these infections generally resolve with antibiotics, so let your medical provider know if you have any of these symptoms.

Dr Nick
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Women’s Sexual Health

9/13/2016

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Now that I have your attention, let us explore this interesting subject.  I’d like to focus this discussion on the issue of sexual dysfunction (sex is not what you would like it to be for one or more reasons).  There are many components that contribute to this problem.  Some of these can be related to the relationship; some related to physical causes, some have to do with traumatic events in a woman’s past such as a rape or assault.   The most important thing for you to remember is that there is help for you whatever the reasons are.  Sometimes you can discuss these with your partner, and sometimes that is not an option.  The topic of sexuality can be a hard one to initiate, regardless of who you are trying to ask for help.  A good option would be to discuss your concerns with your GYN provider.  Let’s talk about some things that might help you broach the subject if they don’t ask you first.  A few of the sexual dysfunction disorders are listed below.   Hopefully if any of these ring a bell with you, I want to encourage you to ask your GYN provider about it.  There are ways of helping you and your partner work through these concerns.  You deserve that help.  

For those affected with Female Orgasmic Disorder, it would affect 75-100% of occasions of sexual activity.  It consists of marked delay in, marked infrequency of, or absence of orgasm, markedly decreased intensity of orgasmic sensations, and it causes marked distress or interpersonal difficulty.

Sexual Interest/Arousal disorder would be of at least 6 months duration and have any 3 of these indicators, which may include absent/reduced frequency or intensity of interest in sexual activity, sexual/erotic thought or fantasies, or initiation of sexual activity. The patient is typically unreceptive to a partners attempt to initiate intercourse, notes decreased sexual excitement/pleasure, and may have reduced genital and/or nongenital sensations.  It must also cause marked distress or interpersonal difficulty.


Genito-Pevic Pain/Penetration Disorder can be lifelong or acquired (maybe related to one partner and not another, or didn’t use to be a problem with this partner and now it is), and can be mild to severe in nature. Symptoms have persisted for more than 6 months.  It involves persistent or recurrent problems with one or more of the following: vaginal penetration during intercourse, marked vulvovaginal (pain outside or inside the vagina) or pelvic pain during intercourse or attempted penetration, marked fear or anxiety about penetration, or muscles of the pelvis tighten just anticipating penetration.  


Some sexual concerns are more common at different stages of life; initiation of sexual activity, physical changes related to different types of birth control, postpartum and menopause changes, which can affect you both physically and emotionally. There are changes and adjustments that come with a severe injury or a major disease process such as cancer. These are just a few of the issues that may be causing you concern, and there are many more that we could talk about.  


There is now a drug approved for the treatment of female sexual desire disorder, but before that is prescribed for you it is important that you discuss your situation thoroughly with your care provider.  Not everything is fixed with a prescription.  Sometimes you may need someone that can describe the wide range of normal  anatomy to you, sometimes  information is the best, sometimes specific suggestions are helpful.  There are lots of books and videos that are educational that we can recommend.  There is information about personal lubricants, which are ok for use in the vagina, but options some may not be safe for you.  You may need to be evaluated for an infection or with an ultrasound to assess pain if that is a part of your concern. 

The bottom line is to talk with your GYN provider about your concerns, and together you can develop a plan to help improve your concerns.  A healthy sex life is important to your quality of life.  Share your concerns and get the help you deserve.  Thanks for reading!


Margaret Leverett, WHNP-BC

2305 Coronado
Idaho Falls, ID 83404
208-535-9009

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