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How often are couples having sex?

3/23/2021

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Ever wonder how often other couples are “doing it?”  Turns out, there have been a number of studies to look into that very question (I guess researchers are curious, too!).  Based on the results of these studies, it looks like relationship status, age, financial status and maybe even access to digital distractions play a role.  Here’s what the results say:
​
According to a 2017 study in The Archives of Sexual Behavior, the average couple has sex about once a week, or some 54 times a year according to one study.  As expected, age plays a role with 20 year-olds having sex around 80 times per year with 60 year-olds having sex about 20 times per year.  Another study from the Kinsey Research Institute in Indiana shows a similar trend in age, but with increased frequency across the board:  approximately 112 times per year for those under thirty and about 52 times per year for those over 50.  Either way, it looks like younger people tend to have more sex.

 Overall, the frequency of intercourse sharply declined between 2001 and 2012 after increasing between 1991 and 2001.  In fact, one British study shows that about half of people in serious relationships haven’t had sex in a year.  The biggest decline in sexual frequency seems to have occurred in married couples.  In the 90s, married couples had intercourse more frequently than never married individuals, but now never-married individuals have sex more often.  Overall, the frequency change of intercourse is much less pronounced for singles.  Some factors that may be responsible for this decline are financial stress, increased spread of work into the home, difficulty for younger individuals moving relationships from virtual to real life, social media distractions and increased access to/quality of online pornography with reduced need to find real life partners.  In fact, the development of the smartphone coincides rather closely with the decline in sexual frequency.

So, how often should you have sex?  While there’s no right or wrong answer for the best frequency of sex in relationships, a study in Social Psychological and Personality Science suggests that couples are happiest that have sex at least once per week.  Although there wasn’t an increase in relationship satisfaction with increased sexual frequency beyond once weekly, there was dissatisfaction for those having sex less frequently than once a week.  There are also some health benefits from sex that should be considered as well:  in addition to bolstering the immune system, sex can lower blood pressure and heart attack risk.  Also, sex can improve sleep, reduce chronic pain and reduce stress.  There are also gender-specific benefits:  for women, sex and orgasm can improve pelvic floor function/decrease bladder leakage, and for men who ejaculate 21 or more times per month, prostate cancer risk is reduced.

The bottom line is that sex should be fun (if done safely and with consent).  It can improve relationship quality and even provide some health benefits.  While work, kids, finances and phones can reduce desire for sex, it may pay off to try to have intercourse anyway.  Increased sexual frequency tends to increase libido, which in turn increases frequency and more desire for frequency.  Even scheduled intercourse counts and can lead to more spontaneous adventures.  If you’re interested in more sex, be sure to talk to your partner as over half of women and men in committed relationships want more sex.  After all, it’s springtime-don’t neglect the “birds and the bees.”

Dr. Nick
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Sleep Hygiene (or how not to stare at the ceiling until 3 in the morning)

3/9/2021

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Poor Sleep is one of the most common complaints that I hear from patients.  Lack of restful sleep can lead to daytime sleepiness that affects our performance at work or school.  It can also affect our relationships with our families and can even lead to car accidents.   So, once you recognize that you are having a hard time falling asleep, what are some things you can do to help fix your sleep?  The first step is focusing on sleep hygiene.  What is sleep hygiene?  Sleep hygiene is taking control of your sleep behavior and your environment to help optimize your sleep.  Its like cleaning the house before you have guests over for dinner.  While not a necessity, if you are having problems sleeping it may make falling and staying asleep a much smoother process. 
  1. Make your bedroom as dark as possible.  Our sleep cycles are controlled by circadian rhythms. Darkness causes the pineal gland to release melatonin which makes you sleepy.  Ridding your room of unnecessary light is an important step.  Start with making sure your curtains/blinds are blocking as much light as possible.  This also includes all screens: Televisions, cell phones, tablets, computers all emit light.  If you cannot eliminate all light from the room, invest in an eye mask to prevent light from reaching your eyes.
  2. Back to screens, if you can’t turn your phone off or like to read e readers before bedtime, switch to the red-light predominant option under settings and lower the brightness as much as possible.  Most iPhones also have a setting where the phone switches to red light at a certain time.  There are also special glasses that block blue light and filters that you can purchase to place on devices to decrease blue light. 
  3. Make sure your bedding is comfortable.  Some people like firm mattresses and some like it soft.  Whatever your like, make sure you have it, and it works for you. Also invest in your bedding.  Make sure your sheets are comfortable. If you are one of those people that gets really hot at night, invest in moisture wicking sheets (SHEEX is one company that makes these).  If you get really cold, then invest in extra blankets or flannel sheets.
  4. Is your partner, kids or your pets preventing you from sleeping?  If you have a partner that snores loudly, just remember that you do not have to sleep in the same room.  Same goes for the pets and kids.  Ear plugs may also work. 
  5. What to avoid before bedtime- Tobacco (nicotine is a stimulant), caffeine (also a stimulant and this includes chocolate ☹).  Also try not to eat 2 hours before bedtime.  This will allow for better digestion and help promote sleep.
  6. Exercise promotes sleep but usually only if you exercise in the morning.  At the very least, try to wind down strenuous exercise at least a few hours before bed.  Its harder to shut down if you perform vigorous exercise in the evenings right before bedtime.
After trying all this, if you are still having difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep and don’t feel well-rested the following morning, it may be time to have a talk with your provider.  You may need a sleep study to determine the exact cause of your sleep problems.  Remember poor sleep increases the risk of Alzheimer’s disease, obesity, heart disease, mood disorders, and the list goes on and on.  Making sure that you can achieve restful sleep most nights is vital to your overall health. 
 
Dr. Pam
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